Shit, son, Russia have apparently given US actor Steven Seagal citizenship, with the BBC reporting that President Putin signed a decree to give the award to the martial arts expert.
Funny world, isn't it? With international tensions between America and Russia rising ever closer to Cold War levels due to foreign policy clashes over the Syrian Civil War and the nuclear apocalypse seemingly on the horizon, Mother Russia has decided to sign up a living internet meme to stand in their corner. A man literally known for starring in B-movies and as the butt of Reddit jokes.
Seagal is friends with ol' Vladimir and has called him 'one of the greatest world leaders'. Likewise, Putin's spokesman said Seagal was known for his warm feelings towards Russia and Steven's status as a famous actor was a good reason to make him a citizen. Sounds like there's a lot of man-love.
Seagal talks about still being dangerous. Credit: CNN
All of this got me thinking, though, if Russia is really going to win the battle for hearts and minds over the crooked capitalist pigs in the West, then they sure as hell are going to have to recruit a few more citizens.
So, here are my personal recommendations of who the country should look to get on board next...
CHUCK NORRIS
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For some reason, Russia has opted for the Poundshop Norris rather than the real McCoy. They should sort it out.
NOEL EDMONDS
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The man, the legend, the enigma - he's a never-aging spring-well of anti-PC opinion and spiritual bullshit. Rumours say he has Illuminati connections. So, if anybody is likely to be able to bring the West down from inside, it's this man.
REBECCA BLACK
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It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
'Nuff said to be honest.
THE UNDERTAKER
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His Wrestlemania winning streak may have been broken but he is indisputably a legend and given that he is the living dead, he would presumably be able to withstand the almost certain irradiated death that is due any moment.
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Who do you think Russia should be looking to recruit? Let us know in the comment section...
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Featured image credit: PA
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Russia