Can We Talk About The Danger Wank In The 'Stacy's Mom' Video?

A young lad is forced to walk a very fine line between his increasingly raging sexual hormones, and his part time gardening job.

Unfortunately, for the lad in the video for Fountains of Wayne's hit single 'Stacy's Mom', he could not conquer this tight rope, falling to the side dominated by his ever growing testosterone, waving goodbye to what was an already jolted vision of reality.

Now, as lads at some point in our younger years when puberty was starting to take its toll, we all, no matter how much you don't want to admit it, went for a crafty danger wank. The majority of us made it out alive, and by alive, I don't mean that we were in a life or death situation, but more that if we were caught we'd have wished we weren't existing kind of way. One lad in my school allegedly got off for one in the school toilets, only to be heard fapping away. That was 10 years ago and I still remember the rumours, so these things are never forgotten.

We also probably convinced ourselves at some point or another that there is a chance a woman much older wants to cop off with us. Maybe they smiled at us, or said something averagely nice one day, and because most of the blood in our brains had made its way to a completely different area of the body, thinking straight about the situation wasn't an option.

The guy in the music video had been warped by all of these things, and, after striking up a friendship with 'Stacy', helping out with mowing the lawn and doing other chores, had a keen eye on her mother.

You can't fault his persistence in trying to either get with his friend's mum, or just get a better look at her, but it gets to the point where he's gallivanted off for a danger wank in someone else's house.

It was implied earlier in the video when he opens a fizzy drink in the pool and squirts everywhere. We all knew what was going on.

But the thing is, after imagining Stacy's mum stripteasing in the kitchen, he made his way to a bathroom to relieve himself. Now, if you're going to masturbate in another person's house, you check that the lock is firmly in place. If there isn't a lock, either wait, or go to another room. A flimsy sign saying 'occupado' on the door handle does not suffice.

Following his truly awful judgement, he pulls off the perfect 'what the fuck is my life' expression that the majority of us know all too well.

Usually, the protocol for Stacy would be to go and tell all of her friends and spread rumours across their school. However, given the fact that throughout the video, while ignoring her to gorp over her mother, she blatantly fancies the protagonist of the story.

When she eventually walks in on him bashing the bishop, she's that self involved that it looks like she believes he's having a tug of war with the cyclops with her in his mind. Although it's not the truth, you can imagine he went along with it for the sake of saving face.

Here's the crux of it...

Credit: Vevo

The scene is similar to one in the film Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but I think it's time we discussed the genuine ridiculousness of including a danger wank in the video for a cult hit.

Featured image credit: emimusic

Mark McGowan

Mark is a journalist at LADbible, who joined in 2015 after a year as a freelance writer. In the past he blogged for independent football fan channel Redmen TV, after graduating from Staffordshire University with degrees in journalism and English literature. He has worked on campaigns such as UOKM8? and IIOC.