9-Year-Old Lad Writes Letter To NHS About His Depression

A 9-year-old lad called Paul has written a letter to the NHS, describing what it's like to have autism and depression.

"When I wake up there's this horrible feeling down inside me," he writes. "I normally say to myself you have to keep on going, I normally also say is it worth it, I could just kill myself, I wouldn't have to face today."

He has been "failed" by local NHS provision for children's mental health in Norfolk.

In order to "keep calm" at school, he uses chewing gum, ear plugs and a cushion to "keep calm" at school. In the letter he also describes the troubles he has due to sleeping problems

"I feel so tired," he writes. "At night going to sleep is horrible. I think it's what death must feel like."

Paul's parents have said paediatricians believe their son is on the autism spectrum, but as he's waited two years for a diagnosis, his battle with depression and anxiety has increased.

After failing to meet the threshold for treatment by the NHS he was referred to a talking therapy with a local charity.

Paul's mother, Claire, said the weekly sessions are making tracks, but because the talks are soon due to end, she's worried about what the future may hold.

Here is the full transcript:

"Hello my name is Paul and this is a day in the life of me. When I wake up there's this horrible feeling down inside me but I don't know what it is. I normally say to myself you have to keep on going, I normally also say is it worth it.

I could just kill myself I wouldn't have to face today. I feel so tired because I have sleeping problems (I take melotonin). At school I use my chewy gum, ear defenders and wobble cushion to keep calm.

My friend gets bullied a lot so I have to stop them since they are my 'friends'. At night going to sleep is horrible. I think it's what death must feel like. I normally fall asleep, at about 10 o'clock."

In an interview with The Independent, she said: "He's not being diagnosed [with autism or depression] because the system is broken,"

"Children are being failed. There is no one helping them because no one wants to talk about children's mental health.

"If he broke his arm you wouldn't leave him, so why do we think that mental health is going to get better on its own?"

Claire, 40, said she and her husband have resorted to organising a private autism diagnosis, which will then have to be accepted by the NHS so Paul can receive extra help at school.

"A lot of people ask, 'What has a nine-year-old got to be depressed about?' But it's real.

"I don't want him to be depressed; we are not a depressed family, we work hard.

"I want to help my son, but I know I can't do it on my own.

"He lies awake in bed saying, 'Why isn't anyone helping me?' It's really hard."

Words by Josh Teal

Image credit: The Independent

Josh Teal

Josh Teal is a journalist at LADbible. He has contributed to the 'Knowing Me, Knowing EU' and 'UOKM8?' campaigns interviewing everyone from student drug dealers to climate change activists.

@tealioni