Dating expert lists ways to tell if your partner is actually a narcissist

Have you ever laid next to the person you think you’re in love with and wondered ‘maybe they are a narcissist’?

Ok, hopefully it’s not the most relatable thought but the truth is, there’s a whole lot of narcissistic people out there.

Maybe your partner is just a bit too full of themselves, but maybe there’s something a little darker there – and you might be thinking of dumping them for it.

Clinical psychologist and relationship expert, Betsy Chung, has done us all a favour and explained the top signs of narcissism.

According to the Mayo Clinic the personality disorder is a mental health condition where people ‘have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance’.

It adds: “They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.”

Dr Chung told MailOnline those with narcissistic tendencies often 'present themselves very favourably toward others because it gives them the admiration and positive attention they need to reinforce their sense of greatness', and so those who enter into relationships with narcissists initially feel on 'on top of the world'.

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However, it doesn't take long for reality to set in. She warns: "Narcissists will attempt to isolate you from your closest allies so that you can be their personal source of adoration, and will cause you to question your friends and family by speaking very poorly about them - particularly if your friends and family begin to warn you about your partner's narcissistic traits.”

Dr Chung adds: "You'll notice that any self-esteem or sense of personal identity has diminished, and that all of your time and energy is spent on supporting what your partner desires."

Another trait is them being rather ‘selfish and self-absorbed’, probably more apparent further into a relationship.

Dr Chung warns narcissists are 'very skilled at maintaining shallow relationships'. Sooner or later, they will 'begin to show their true colours' where you’ll 'always' lose arguments with them because you'll be so exhausted with engaging in conflict, you'll no longer 'question their rationale' but 'simply surrender' instead.

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Sure, they might apologise but they probably don’t mean it.

"Those with NPD do not experience genuine remorse for their actions with any effort to change," Dr Chung continues.

"Their apologies are only circumstantial in order to regain the status quo, but there’s no continuity from one situation to the next — such as conversations to talk about what happened the night before or efforts to make changes to improve the betterment of the relationship."

And if your partner always wants to maintain the image of your relationship being perfect when not everything's quite right? Alarm bells should be ringing.

While noting you don't have to 'leave every relationship that you question,' Dr Chung advises to 'take time to get to know a person and talk to friends and family about your partner to keep things in perspective'.

She resolves: "Establishing good boundaries from the start of a relationship will help keep you from falling prey to a narcissist's manipulations. Be true to yourself, and don't do things you're uncomfortable with."

Breaking up with someone might not be the easiest, but sometimes it’s pretty necessary.

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Mental Health

Jess Battison

Jess is an Entertainment Journalist with a love of all things pop culture. Her main interests include keeping up with the Twitter girlies, waiting for a new series of The Traitors and losing her voice at a Beyoncé concert. She graduated with a first in Journalism from City, University of London in 2021 and has previously worked at MyLondon.

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