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This Coffee Gives Men A Boner And Makes Them Last Longer In Bed

This Coffee Gives Men A Boner And Makes Them Last Longer In Bed

'The relationship saver'.

Mark McGowan

Mark McGowan

There's a set few things that we all want to get from a morning coffee. Help to wake up, a kick up the arse, an increase in energy, and an erection. Wait, what? That's not right.

The only thing that could make a morning commute more awkward than single mother Tina who is furious that Mick will only let her see the kids on every third Thursday and at Christmas, and is happy to express her disgust openly and loudly on public transport, is an erection.

There is a new brand of coffee, called 'Stiff Bull', that can do just that.

Credit: Stiff Bull

Now, the main aim of the morning brew isn't to just throw you into uncomfortable situations, forcing you to find the best boner hiding technique (try flipping it into your waistband), it's actually been labelled 'the relationship saver'.

Stiff Bull will "greatly improve sexual health, libido, and overall wellness," which sounds great, to be honest. "Woah, hang about. Step back, let me have my coffee first..."

Credit: Stiff Bull

The caffeinated beverage contains naturally-derived ingredients, including Tongkat Ali, Maca Root and Guarana, according to Stiff Bull's website. Tongkat apparently has Viagra-like properties, hence the excitement given to helmet head down below. Macca Root and Guarana bring energy, stamina benefits, weight loss, and physical and mental benefits to the table respectively.

Stiff Bull states that their product is not actually as effective as things like Viagra, but has fewer health risks.

Two users who submitted feedback to the Stiff Bull website were very pleased.

Credit: Stiff Bull

If the company strike up a deal with those fellatio cafes that seem to be popping up everywhere, they'll see a huge rise in profits.

"Our focus and mission is to stay clear of that. [We have had] no complaints from customers and no side-affects associated with Viagra," Keith Hanson of Stiff Bull told indy100.

The drink itself comes in a sachet, and to make it all you need to do is add half to a mug of water, stir and then drink. It's not a hard process; well, not at first, anyway.

According to the website, the product isn't "recommended for children, pregnant women, people sensitive to caffeine, with high blood pressure, or heart problems", which, well, y'know, dur. Rumour has it, though, that it has been recommended for yer da', and he's bought it by the fucking shed load.

Featured Image Credit: PA Images

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