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Anaconda action. Backing the big brown motorhome out of the garage. Curling one out. Dropping the kids off at the pool. Exorcising the demon. Feeding the toilet. Giving back the corn. Heaving ho. Prairie dogging. Laying a brick. Making butt coffee. Putting your thoughts on paper. Releasing the hounds. Scatter bombing. Turtle necking. Waking Winnie the Pooh.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about yet, it's poo.
Poo comes in many shapes, sizes, colours and densities but one thing that has never been consistent when I've looked down at my mud babies are the floaters and the sinkers.
Which in turn got me thinking, why does some poo sink and some poo float? I don't have the answer. And when I asked my friends they didn't really know either. So, one of those extremely weird afternoons on Google happened.
But now I do know and I plan on sharing that with you now.
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A man taking a picture of a few poos, likely sinkers. Credit: Olle Svensson via Flickr
The first thing to know is that how your poo behaves once it has settled in the toilet bowl can actually say quite a lot about your health and general well-being.
Poo, despite what you might think, is actually around 75% water - the rest is just fibre, dead and live bacteria and mucus.
Some foods are easily broken down during digestion and turn into poo while other foods, like carrots, are harder to digest and that's why sometimes when you dare look in the bowl at what you've just done you can still see what you had for dinner.
The perfect poop is actually an S-shape according to Mehmet Oz, MD, (who you might recognise from The Dr. Oz Show). To get that perfect log-style poop shape, you have to eat loads of fibre. If you don't, it's more likely to come out pebbly or in bits. And if it comes out pencil thin, you might want to go and get yourself checked because that's one sign of possible rectal cancer.
According to leading gastroenterologist at Princeton University, Dr Anish Sheth MD, shitting to a routine is more important than shitting regularly - whether it's every morning or every two days, so long as the routine is regular, you're all good.
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Poop expert and owner of DrStool.com, Anish Sheth MD. Credit: Princeton University
But the crux of my search was to find out why some poo floats and some poo sinks? As you can probably imagine, a lot is down to diet.
Poo should sink. A healthy poo will fall out of you and drop to the bottom of the bowl awaiting the flush that will take it to its final resting place. A floating poo shouldn't cause you concern but in some cases might need to be checked out.
Floating shits are caused by either gas or your body not absorbing nutrients as it should.
Sometimes your floater will simply be because you've had too many beans, cabbage or apples or drank too much milk and soft drinks. That'll be the gas.
Sometimes your floater will simply be because whatever you've eaten has shot through you too quickly coming out a bit greasy and definitely smellier than usual. That'll be the body not absorbing the nutrients.
Apparently this is caused by infections in your gut that go away in time and don't need treatment.
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A train leaving a tunnel, much like a poo leaving you. Credit: Nick Ares via Flickr
However, and there's a big however, some diseases cause floating shit and you should at least be wary of them.
Celiac disease, cystic fibrosis, short bowel syndrome and rare genetic diseases like Bassen-Kornzweig syndrome and biliary atresia all cause floaters.
But you only really need to go and see your doctor if it persists for around two weeks.
In order to prevent floating stools, you just need to check your diet. Next time you release a floater, think about what you've eaten recently and then if you give birth to another one next time you have that type of food, just avoid those foods in future. Simple as that, really.
And that, lads and ladies, is why some poo floats and some poo sinks. I've been enlightened. I hope you have, too.
Words by George Pavlou
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