Guy's Story About Shitting Himself In Public Is Unbelievable

Unfortunately, at some point or another, we've all probably had a rather embarrassing toilet incident.

It may have happened in the solitude of your home toilet, it may have happened in a public lavatory, or, God forbid, it may have happened in your pants when you're too far from anywhere you can wipe your arse.

As you will know all too well, laughter is the best medicine. If you can look back on a particular poo catastrophe, accept it, laugh at it and then tell the tale, then it's all okay.

This guy, Bradley, who has since come to terms with his perils, had a particularly disastrous escapade when it came to shitting. In the heart of Manchester, where a tram journey is more like a round on Gladiators mixed with a task on the Crystal Maze, his bowels decided to conjure a dastardly plan against his self esteem and dignity.

"I was in college and I needed a shit just as I left for home," Bradley said. "I thought 'fuck it, wait till I get to my nan's."

"By the time I got to the tram stop I was turtle heading. Any minute I was sure I was gonna blow. I was pacing up and down the tram stop and getting all kinds of funny looks."

I'm sure we've all been in the situation where we do anything to try and cover up the fact that we need a shit. For some reason walking back and forth feels like the natural thing to do.

"I got on the tram and it was packed, and I knew I couldn't hold it," Bradley continued. "At a stop in Manchester called Cornbrook, if you walk down the stairs you can go behind the stop and get to road which is deserted - the type of place you'd take a girl you've picked up on Grand Theft Auto.

"Finally I get to Cornbrook, leg it to the stairs and now it's coming. A brown baby is on its way and there is no stopping it.

"So I kinda' do a thrust forward to try to clench my arse cheeks. This guy next to me on the stairs just looks at me, bewildered.

"I legged it down the stairs to the [usually] deserted road and it's FULL of builders! I'm like 'what the fuck?!'

"Next to this road is a main road with bushes so I run there, in the bushes, pants down and explode! Relief! But because I was squatting I shit all over my foot. Wiped my arsed with a bit of grass and it was in my fingers."

via GIPHY

You'd expect, that after this shit storm that God would give the poor guy a break. Unfortunately, though, life works in mysterious and painful ways, meaning that the ideal was going to carry on.

Despite the nightmare, Bradley, now weighing a considerable amount less than he did a few minutes before, soldiered on. Giving a big 'fuck you' and two fingers to the social system which says we shouldn't walk in public covered in our own faeces, he got back onto the tram to his nan's.

"I'd lost the tiny amount of dignity and self respect I once had so I thought fuck this, I'm not walking home.

"People were covering their mouths and moving away from me. There I am covered in my own shit, stinking the tram out but everyone was too polite to say.

"I got to my nan's, walk in the door and she goes 'Hiya, how was your day?' and I'm like 'nan, I need to -', she cuts me off and she's like 'ooh what's that bloody smell?'

"I go upstairs to get a shower and wipe my arse properly and I notice it was on my shoulder. HOW THE FUCK?!"

You've got to feel for him here, but he's told his story to a number of people and apparently "people who know him know the story anyway," meaning he too thankfully recognises how funny it is.

Have you got a riduculous story to tell us? A complete fuck up? Email us on [email protected]

Mark McGowan

Mark is a journalist at LADbible, who joined in 2015 after a year as a freelance writer. In the past he blogged for independent football fan channel Redmen TV, after graduating from Staffordshire University with degrees in journalism and English literature. He has worked on campaigns such as UOKM8? and IIOC.