A full transcript of text messages between Mexican soap actress Kate del Castillo and infamous drug lord El Chapo have emerged. The texts are reported to be from the run up to El Chapo having an interview with Sean Penn, and they resemble that of a desperate 16-year-old flirting with someone a few years older.
I don't know why, but I always imagined that if El Chapo used a smart phone it'd just be Snapchat stories of him snorting cocaine off a machete and Whatsapp messages saying 'fat bags 'ere, mate', but then again, maybe I'm too Scouse.
Kate was responsible for organising the interview with Penn, although Chapo didn't have a clue who he was. In between trying to convince the prisoner on the run to take part, the drug lord flirts with the Mexican actress saying she is beautiful and 'the best in the world'. They began texting in September of last year.
El Chapo: "If you bring wine Ill try it - I like tequila and Bucana but Ill try the tequila that you bring, and champagne. As Ive told you Im not a drinker but I will because you being here will be so beautiful, Im very excited to meet you and come to be great friends. Youre the best in the world. Were going to be very good friends. You will agree by the time youre heading home. I wish it could be sooner."
Castillo: "It makes me so emotional to hear you say that, no one has ever cared for me, thank you! I am free next weekend. Right now I have to go. But remember I'm free next weekend, let me know if we can meet then."
El Capo: "It makes me very happy to be able to reach you directly. Finally I can."
Castillo: "Thanks to you Im going to finally meet you, and I cant describe how excited I am. Thank you for your trust. I have been trying to get together a team of people who are truly respected in Hollywood. I want you to hear what they have to say. But aside from our project, I'm so excited to be able to see you with my own eyes, in person. THANK YOU. All I care about is that you feel ok with everything, regardless of any promises, and that you tell me exactly what you think after our meeting. I suppose I will receive instructions so I know where to go and all the details."
El Chapo: "Go to Sinaloa. Believe me, everything will be ok, I wouldnt have invited you otherwise. Ill look after you, youll see when you get here, and we drink tequila together. As I told you, Im not a drinker, but Ill drink with you to celebrate being with you. Thank you for being such a great person. You are so beautiful in every way."
Following the exchange, the actress then began to speak about Sean Penn and El Chapo meeting him. Hmm, sounds as if she's using him there. The pair once again contacted each other on October 23, Castillo's birthday. They seem very, very friendly.
El Chapo: "Good morning. Happy birthday from your friend who cares for you and loves you. I hope that youre having a wonderful day with your nearest and dearest."
Castillo: "Thank you!!! Hello my wonderful friend, I'm going to call you, it will be an American number... I'll call you today! Look after yourself! And thank you [kiss emoji]."
El Chapo: "Thank you, my friend, for your good wishes. I hope you're well. Your friend loves you. Bye."
Castillo: "I love my friend. Bye."
It's all a bit weird. There's just something odd about the most wanted man in Mexico flirting with an actress via text.
The next day they continued their strange friendship:
El Chapo: "How is the best and most intelligent woman in the world, who I love so much?" - He's really begging it now, did no one teach him 'play it mean, keep them keen'?
"My mother wants to meet you. I told her about you. Don't worry, nothing serious. Everything will be great."
His mother? Someone needs to give him some relationship advice, he's diving in head first without checking the temperature of the water.
Anyway, we all know by now how this went. Chapo did the interview with Penn and was once again apprehended and taken to a maximum security prison in Altiplano, just outside Mexico City. He's probably just going to escape again, though.
It's depressing that a man who's life depended on him lying low gets more action than me.