50 Things That Have Happened Since Arsenal Last Won a Trophy

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One of the longest serving managers in the history of the Premier League reaches his 1000th game in charge of Arsenal on Saturday 22nd March 2014. With Wigan Athletic, and Hull or Sheffield United in their path, Arsenal are clear favourites to lift the FA Cup this season, so there may not be much time left to mock Arsene's trophy drought!

At the time of writing this article it has been 8 years, 9 months, 27 days, 16 hours, 43 minutes, and 12 seconds since Arsenal last won a piece of silverwear, but hey, who's counting?

For your enjoyment we have put together a list of 50 things that have happened since Arsene Wenger last got his silver polish out:

 

1. Pep Guardiola has retired as a player, become a manager, took a year out and won 18 trophies along the way.

2. 288 people have been hospitalised by rampaging badgers.

3. Zlatan Ibrahimovic has played for 5 different clubs and won a trophy with each.

4. Twitter has been created and gained over 500million users.

5. Swansea City have been promoted from League 2, League 1, and the Championship... Oh and they've won a cup too.

6. Juventus have been relegated, promoted and won back to back league titles.

7. 372 people have been sexually assaulted by kangaroos.

8. West Brom have been relegated twice, promoted twice and had 8 different managers... Yeah you guessed it, they also got a trophy.

9. The population of the world has gone up by 7.3%.

10. Paul Scholes won 10 trophies, retired, made a comeback, won another trophy and retired again.

11. Wayne Rooney has gone bald, had a hair transplant, and gone bald again.

12. 390 people have been caught masturbating in the street on Google Street View.

13. 3.8million tweets of hatred have been directed at Piers Morgan.

14. 91 English clubs have replaced their manager, the only manager who has kept his job is Arsene Wenger.

15. Arsene Wenger has earned over £60million in wages.

16. Raheem Sterling has left primary school, become a father, started playing for Liverpool, and had an international call up.

17. Andre Santos got 24 caps for Brazil (seriously, check it, we didn't believe it either).

18. The US elected their first black president... and re-elected him too.

19. 17 drunk people have got stuck in McDonald's high chairs.

20. 52 of 92 football league clubs have won a trophy.

21. Arsenal Ladies have won 27 trophies.

22. The planet Mercury has orbited the sun 32 times.

23. Things that have been invented: iPad, iPhone, Twitter, Instagram, iCloud, BBM, Windows Vista, 7 and 8, Kindle, Blu-Ray, HD TV.

24. There have been 157 episodes of Peppa Pig... Oh and what's that she's holding?!

25. There have been 11 different predicted apocalyptic events.

26. Piers Morgan has changed his opinion on Arsene Wenger 472 times.

27. 12,303 men have been arrested for breaking into houses while dressed as Santa Claus.

28. Over 125 billion photos have been uploaded to Facebook.

29. Rickie Lambert has played in 4 divisions, got married & had 3 kids, and you guessed it - 2 trophies.

30. 4 people have been arrested for possession of Class A drugs while dressed as Bananaman...

31. ...and 5 people have been arrested for GBH while dressed as Zippy from Rainbow.

32. Despite being dead (RIP) Tupac has featured on 42 different songs.

33. Over 1,000,000,000 babies have been born.

34. Drake made his way up from the bottom to 'here' (we're still not 100% sure where he thinks he is).

35. Kim Kardashian released a porno and doubled her ass in size.

36. Britney Spears had a famous meltdown (I like to reflect on this to get me through a Monday morning), and managed to get herself through it.

37. Justin Bieber got through puberty (don't quote us on this), irritated the world, did some more irritating, got arrested, and continued irritating the world.

38. Ex Arsenal players won 44 medals.

39. Portsmouth have gone from Premier League to League 2... but even they managed a trophy along the way.

40. Manchester City have spent around £1,000,000,000 on players.

41. London won the rights to host the Olympic Games, rebuilt Stratford and then hosted the event.

42. Mario Balotelli fucked a lot of shit up.

43. Luton Town have been in administration, docked 40 points and relegated 4 times... Yep you guessed it, nice shiny trophy.

44. Leonardo DiCaprio starred in 12 films, produced 9 and wrote 2. Still no oscar though, what does the guy have to do?!

45. Members of Arsenal's 2005 team that won a trophy have won 53 trophies elsewhere.

46. Pitbull has released 7, yes, 7 albums!! (Who keeps buying this shit??)

47. 93 people have been hospitalised after attempting to masturbate with a hoover.

48. Bayern Munich have got a new stadium, a new training ground, changed their crest, changed their manager 7 times, and won 16 trophies.

49. 945 people have been hospitalised by kids on scooters.

50. Oh and England... Yeah they're still the same.

 

All due respect though, Arsene Wenger is one of the greatest managers to ever grace the game, we must admit that. But this FA Cup... No pressure.

Come on Arsene... Now's not the time.

 

Written by Mike Vaughan